church-of-goatbunny: Alright, everyone… the go…


Alright, everyone… the goatbunny tarot is FINALLY done.

-78 cards based on my original watercolors.

-The cards are about 2.75 x 5.25" a bit longer and narrower than standard tarot cards).

-The backs of the cards are a pearlescent cardstock and the fronts are matte (which means I’m gluing them togther, but it makes for a sturdier card!)

-They come with a booklet of the meanings (upright and reversed)

-It’s all packaged in a tuck box in the same pearlescent cardstock.

-Everything is hand assembled so I’m making every deck on demand.

They’re $70 USD till the end of the month, then they’ll be $80 and up in my shop. As for now, you can DM me to order. I’ve factored shipping within North America in the price. Extra cost for International!

I’m so excited to finally share this with you guys!!! 🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚






The other thing about the word “queer” is that almost everyone I’ve seen opposed to it have been cis, binary gays and lesbians. Not wanting it applied to yourself is fine, but I think people underestimate the appeal of vague, inclusive terminology when they already have language to easily and non-invasively describe themselves.

Saying “I’m gay/lesbian/bi” is pretty simple. Just about everyone knows what you mean, and you quickly establish yourself as a member of a community. Saying “I’m a trans nonbinary bi woman who’s celibate due to dysphoria and possibly on the ace spectrum”… not so much. You’re lucky to find anyone who understands even half of that, and explaining it requires revealing a ton of personal information. The appeal of “queer” is being able to identify yourself without profiling yourself. It’s welcoming and functional terminology to those who do not have the luxury of simplified language and occupy complicated identities. *That’s* why people use it – there are currently not alternatives to express the same sentiment.

It’s not people “oppressing themselves” or naively and irresponsibly using a word with loaded history. It’s easy to dismiss it as bad or unnecessary if you already have the luxury of language to comfortably describe yourself.

There’s another dimension that always, always gets overlooked in contemporary discussions about the word “queer:” class. The last paragraph here reminds me of a old quote: “rich lesbians are ‘sapphic,’ poor lesbians are ‘dykes’.” 

The reclaiming of the slur “queer” was an intensely political process, and people who came up during the 90s, or who came up mostly around people who did so, were divided on class and political lines on questions of assimilation into straight capitalist society. 

Bourgeois gays and lesbians already had “the luxury of language” to describe themselves – normalized through struggle, thanks to groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

Everyone else, from poor gays and lesbians to bi and trans people and so on, had no such language. These people were the ones for whom social/economic assimilation was not an option.

The only language left, the only word which united this particular underclass, was “queer.” “Queer” came to mean an opposition to assimilation – to straight culture, capitalism, patriarchy, and to upper class gays and lesbians who wanted to throw the rest of us under the bus for a seat at that table – and a solidarity among those marginalized for their sexuality/gender id/presentation. 

(Groups which reclaimed “queer,” like Queer Patrol (armed against homophobic violence), (Queers) Bash Back! (action and theory against fascism, homophobia, and transphobia), and Queerbomb (in response to corporate/state co-optation of mainstream Gay Pride), were “ultraleft,” working-class, anti-capitalist, and functioned around solidarity and direct action.)

The contemporary discourse around “queer” as a reclaimed-or-not slur both ignores and reproduces this history. The most marginalized among us, as OP notes, need this language. The ones who have problems with it are, generally, among those who have language – or “community,” or social/economic/political support – of their own.

Oh hey look it’s the story of my growing up.

All of this is true.






Aro Despair #33

I can’t remember where, but the other day I read a statement that said something like “romantic attraction/romance is not real, but merely a social construct that romantics and aromantics are dealing with the consequences of differently.”

The aromantic mentioning it said that it was super invalidating, which is fair. But for me personally, it really resonates with how I feel about my aromanticism?

I understand romance to be a socially constructed concept that is usually aligned with a particular set of strong feelings about another person. I don’t experience love and strong attraction in the same way that romantics do. I love strongly, and I’m definitely attracted to people in other ways. It’s just that I’ve never experienced those things in a way that romantics describe romance to be. I may like certain things that are stereotypically romantic and mushy, but I only like those things within the context of friends.

I don’t want to get married. I don’t really want to date anyone. I don’t understand the fixation that people set on their romantic interests. I can’t relate to the way my romantic friends talk about their crushes. From the things they say, I have simply never thought/felt that way about other people. Nothing about romance makes sense to me.

I clearly lack a capacity to be attracted to people romantically, even if that attraction is an abstract concept.

What are yall’s thoughts on the idea of romance being purely a construct?

i think that it’s more complicated than either: all romance is a social construct or all romance is about feeling the exact same kind of attraction

in my opinion it may be different for different people, so we’d have some who feel romantic attraction and fall in love let’s say… naturally, so that without social cues they’d still interpret their feelings as romance. then I think there are people who don’t experience romo attraction, but maybe experience a different kind of attraction and interpret it using the social cues that are about romance (because amatonormativity). then there’d be aromantics – some of whom maybe don’t understand romance/the appeal of romance, some maybe don’t experience attraction in a way that would lead them to think a romantic relationship would be a good fit for them (or the mix of those).

I think that what we see now – the division between alloromantics and aromantics – is that those are just generalized labels where you try to fit your experiences, which all could have different causes for every one of us

Woah. An actual description of how I actually feel about my aromanticism. WORD FOR WORD.

7 Things Asexual People Want You To Understan…


7 Things Asexual People Want You To Understand | psych2go x Nida 

thevarshmallow: Asexual and aromantic represen…


Asexual and aromantic representation in Bojack Horseman 💟

tumblr: talk about how bad society is! aro pe…

tumblr: talk about how bad society is! aro people: okay tumblr: no not like that

YEAH BASICALLY alloros are too fragile to examine the societal norms that they personally like aka romance and it’s really embarassing



What is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like heterosexuality or homosexuality, etc., but instead of being sexually attracted to men or women, asexual people are sexually attracted to no one.  This doesn’t mean we all hate sex or avoid it, it just means we don’t find people sexually attractive.

What is the Asexuality Archive?

The Asexuality Archive is a collection of all things Ace.  In these pages, I hope to provide a comprehensive and uncensored look into what asexuality is, what it means to us and how it shapes our lives.  My intention is to provide information that is approachable and informative, whether or not you’re asexual.


What is Asexuality?:  A companion site, dedicated to providing information about asexuality in multiple formats, including pamphlets and slideshows.

Asexuality: A Brief Introduction: An informational book about what asexuality is, what it’s like to be asexual, and what people should know about asexuality.

An Asexual’s Guide To…:  A series of in-depth posts on topics that are typically wondered about, but are rarely explored in ace circles.

The Comment Section:  A series of posts that explore troublesome comments left on articles about asexuality, and tips for responding to them.

Articles and Information:

Asexuality 101

Asexuality in the World

An Asexual’s Guide To …

Ace Images

Asexual Life

Asexuality and Me

Love, Romance, and Other Relationships

Sex, Masturbation, and Other Activities

Quick Questions

The Comment Section

Ask An Ace Guy

North American Asexuality Conference






Since telling my Mum that I considered myself ace, I already noticed that she was a bit… too interested, if you want to say it like that. Asking for “signs”, or how being ace feels like… I tried to answer her to the best of my ability, giving her links to websites that would explain better as I ever could.

Today she said, very quietly, “Do you think I could be ace, too?”

And I said very carefully “If you think it suits you, I don’t see why not”

And my Mum, my strong, self-confident Mum, who never once  has ever felt uncomfortable in her own skin as far as I know, beamed in relief. Relief

 Because she never knew. Because getting married young and bearing children for her husband (meaning sex) was expected of her. Because everyone gave her the feeling as if something would be wrong or broken about her if she didn’t want, didn’t do that.

Because her whole life long, she thought there was something wrong with her.

I’m honestly torn between feeling happy and relieved for her, and angry that humanity has such trouble with showing some understanding to those who don’t fit in the boxes society has designed for all of us.

Update: My
Mum was getting ready for bed when I noticed her humming loudly around her
toothbrush and I asked her what the good mood was about.


She beamed
around a mouth-full of toothpaste and said, very proudly and deliberately, “I
think I like that, being ace.”

And continued
on with her brushing, humming a bit louder.


(Or in
other words, I’m more than a little bit teary eyed.)

I had almost the exact same conversation with my Mom. We were talking about the LGBT acronym and explained that it’s LGBTQ and that some people add the PIA at the end as well. And she asked me “What’s the a?” So when I explained it she said immediately “Me. That’s like me.”

This is why I get so mad at people who think this is all just trendy bs, people just don’t have the vocabulary or permission to describe their lived experience.

This is the most wholesome thing I’ve ever read, bless this post 🙌🏼






hey you guys want some fuckin uuuuuuuh bi pride?

hey you guys want some fuckin uuuuuuuuh pan pride?

hey you guys want some fuckin uuuuuuuuuh ace pride?

hey you guys want some fuckin uuuh aro pride?







friendly ace reminder: there’s probably much more aces than 1% of the population because there’s like zero asexual awareness, many people have no idea they are actually asexual and/or they’re confusing romantic and sexual orientation… also that 1% survey is like 10 years old, AVEN was only starting back then and the community was pretty much non-existent… lately i’ve found out that some of my real life friends are actually ace so really, it’s not that uncommon… it can be just hard to find out who you are in an over-sexualised society such as ours where boys are afraid to admit it because they’re raised to believe banging is the best thing ever and girls think they’re just “being girls” and not wanting to bang is the norm for them, so… anyway, what i’ve been trying to say is… WE EXIST AND YOU’RE NOT ALONE, YAY

some great tags that prove my point:


I keep finding new ace friends, or finding ‘Asexual’ on a new mutual’s ‘about me’ 

Talked about asexuality with my bro. 

Found out my brother is  aro-ace and didn’t realize there was a definition for that.

Ace siblings and we didn’t know it till last month. 


@nextstepcake did a post (on WordPress, idk if it got cross-posted here) about the twice-annual National College Health Assessment. It surveys tens of thousands of students in the U.S., from dozens of schools. (You can see it here:

One of its demographic questions is about your sexual orientation. In 2015, they added ace and pan as options. They were getting 5%-6% people identifying as ace! (And 4.5%-5.5% bi folks, around 1.5% pan, and about 3% gay/lesbian.)

One caveat: the ace numbers plummeted in the Fall 2017 one, and idk why. They haven’t released Spring 2018 yet. I looked at their website, and way fewer colleges participated last fall; they got data they could use from 52 schools, instead of the 92 that they had had that spring. So there could be something there – like maybe there was a type of school that didn’t participate much, that for some reason has more students who ID as ace. (Maybe larger schools, or liberal arts schools, or some other type, have better ace awareness?… OK, I just compared Spring 2017 with Fall, and the main differences are that there were a bunch more schools in the South, and that there were a lot more schools in big cities. I’m assuming it has to do with big cities, but I’m also curious about what people in the South might be doing differently. If anything.)

So the backstory behind the number change, for those who may not have seen the comments on the original post – it turns out that they suspected, based on additional feedback, that the number from the first few years was being inflated by large numbers of people just clicking the first thing on the list instead of reading through and considering all the option  (”asexual” was first since it was in alphabetical order) even if they wouldn’t identify as asexual unprompted. This is a known problem in survey design, often referred to as “satisficing”, in which people pick the first potentially-suitable term instead of considering all options equally. It’s a problem that is exacerbated by many people (especially straight people) who have no idea what “asexual” means and may make wildly incorrect guesses, which may be another factor in the inflated numbers (i.e. if non-sexually active straight people think it’s a survey question for virgins or something).

Because of that, they’ve started experimenting with other question formats, such as changing the order of entries, randomizing the order of entries, or removing asexual and only backcoding it from write ins. I don’t, however, know which method they used  in the last survey; but it will be interesting to have comparative data once they have a few more years of trying different question structures.

It’s basically all part of finding a tricky balance – on the one hand the number may be artificually inflated by confused straight people, but it may simultaneously be deflated by aces with multiple identities (ace lesbians, gay aces, bi aces, etc.) who may choose whichever category is shown first, and will always leave one or the other undercounted.

This is part of the reason I prefer to present prevalence estimates as ranges of percents – because survey outcomes can vary so much based on simple things like question phrasing and differing working definitions, it’s hard to nail down a single number. For asexuality, that usually means a range of ~1%-5% since most randomized studies seem to fall somewhere within that range.