To clarify: the words for shame (häpeä) and second-hand embarrassment (myötähäpeä) are heavily connected in my native language, which is what sparked this conversation.
I have a rather strained relationship with my mother, to put it simply. I’m almost 30 and she still uses shame tactics to try and control me just like when I was small. I often heard things like “I can’t bring you anywhere because you embarrass us” and “you should be ashamed” while growing up, and if I protested, I was told how difficult I was. I still hear that from her regularly, and she always masks it as just worry to make me look like the bad guy. But: concern or worry doesn’t justify abuse, ever, not in any situation.