aro label can bring relief


i decided to write his, because i’ve seen a lot of asks/posts dealing with struggling to accept your aromanticism and i don’t want that to become the only aro narrative, so i asked some local aros if they also had to overcome Bad Feelings connected to aromanticism before they could be comfortable with the label and many of them answered “no”. this is good news to me and affirms my experience with finding out i’m aro too. so we’ve seen some talk about not wanting to be aromantic, now let’s take a closer look at a different way of feeling about your aromanticism, as pictured on my example.

alright, so to start off, i’ve always been aromantic and pretty nonamorous, to put things in perspective. no crushes, no infatuations, not interested in people *that* way. in my plans/fantasies about my future, i imagined living alone. when i didn’t get confirmed (ex-catholic) and people asked “but what about your white church wedding?” i replied that it wasn’t so important to me. there was… never much room in my life for a partner and when i tried dating, it became apparent with time that it isn’t something for me. that’s when i remembered reading/hearing something about aromanticism. i looked it up, read what people had to say about it and after some questioning (”but what if i really haven’t met the right  person yet?” vs “if there was a person for me, the person i dated would be it” and “but what if” vs “people really usually develop some crushes by the ago of 20″) decided that it would be accurate to call myself aromantic. there were doubts, don’t get me wrong. but when i decided that this description fits my identity, i became more comfortable with that part of myself. there was suddenly a name for what i was feeling, other people who shared my experiences. i wasn’t planning on looking for dates or partners before and when i found the aro label, it affirmed those plans – “why would i want to do that? i’m aromantic”. it was something that helped me make sense of some of my experiences and gave me a community of alike people too. 

what’s probably important here – the fact that i am aromantic aligned with the way i was already planning to live my life, more or less, or my plans weren’t solidified, specified enough that my aromanticism didn’t get in the way of those plans and expectations for my future. nonetheless, my experience with finding the label and applying it to myself was (and still is) more positive, like meeting a new friend and not like a life sentence. there are other aros for whom finding the label was an enlightening experience of relief, comfort, reassurance, pieces clicking into place. this also is an aro narrative, where being aro isn’t always a bittersweet perspective.

in some circumstances

it can lift some weight off your shoulders instead of adding it