Category: Anonymous

Are there any resources for figuring out if yo…

Are there any resources for figuring out if you're aromantic? I don't know how to tell. I mean, I get what I call crushes, but I get them on any guy who pays attention to me. And then if I ask myself if I want to kiss them or hug them, I realise I don't. But I still like the idea of dating? I want to date (or just become better friends with?) guys that pay attention to me, and date (but really just stare at) attractive guys. I already know I'm ace too. Do you know of anything that could help?

I know that feel. I like it when people pay attention to me and complement me, which was a tad confusing when I first figure out my aromanticism. There’s also aesthetic attraction, where you just like the way someone looks, that can often be confused for a crush. Like, you stated, I asked myself if I was ever interested in kissing or holding hands with anyone, and I realized I didn’t want that at all. But I’m romance repulsed and don’t like people touching me in general, where you might not be. Arospec people dating is fairly uncommon but not unheard of. They can be romantic, sexual, sensual, platonic, etc. It’s up to you to figure out and we learn best about what we like and don’t like from experience. Though, I do recommend telling any partner that you’re aromantic and/or asexual before you start a relationship, just so they know and can decide if they are okay with possible limitations you might set. 

I find that it helps to do research on aromanticism by looking through aromantic blogs, AVEN, aromantic reddit, and videos by arospec people discussing their orientation.

Help? Im currently in a relationship but i..i …

Help? Im currently in a relationship but i..i think I might be aro..? But i mean, i feel love, but with all my relationships i just stopped feeling it towards the other person (romantically anyway) and i think thats what i’m feeling now, and i dont know what to do! Can anyone help me?

Have you heard of 

Akoiromantic/lithromantic or Freyromantic?

Definitions:

Akoiromantic/lithromantic: A person who experiences romantic attraction, but has their feelings fade if reciprocated. Can also be defined as someone who doesn’t care or want their feelings reciprocated.

Freyromantic: 

Feels attraction to strangers/those they don’t know well, but fades once they know them better. (Opposite of demisexual.)

You may also have been experiencing aesthetic attraction (liking the way someone looks) and confusing it romantic feelings, which is common. 

If you feel weird or uncomfortable being in a romantic relationship, you don’t have to stay in it. Just reassure your partner that it’s not about them and they did nothing wrong. If you do want to continue the relationship, that’s fine too. There are arospecs who date, some are even married. However, you should tell your partner that you might be aromantic/arospec after you do some research and soul searching. You’ll probably have to explain what that means and set boundaries for your relationship. They might even decide that it’s not the type of relationship they want. Its hard to take, but it’’ll probably save you time in the long run.

Links:

Is aflexible a thing? Like homoflexible but wh…

Is aflexible a thing? Like homoflexible but when you’re ace? I’m not but I just had this thought.

Hmm, I don’t know about aflexable, but aceflux and aroflux are a thing. 

Ace/aroflux: Aceflux  describes someone whose experience of sexual attraction varies over time. Someone who is aceflux, for example, may feel very strongly asexual one day (definitely not feeling any sexual attraction to anyone), but less strongly asexual (maybe feeling weak sexual attraction) another day.

I'm trying to figure out my sensual orien…

I'm trying to figure out my sensual orientation, and it's hard because I have such a disconnect from it. It's probably from a combo of 1. Being touch-starved my whole life 2. Most of the times I have touched people, I didn't like those people/I didn't want to touch them 3. Touch/physical intimacy being very sexualized where I live. I guess I'm asking if you know of any words to describe this disconnect, even words meant to describe sexual stuff, I really want a word to describe it

I think it’s just as you said. You’re touch starved also known as touch

deprivation in medical terminology. It’s not uncommon these days with a lot of people being more and more isolated. Add on that in some cultures touching others is seen as a sexual or romantic thing, which keeps many from doing things like hugging or cuddling. Cracked did a whole podcast on touch starvation in the modern age: link, there’s an AVEN discussion on it: link, a Psychology Today article on touch deprivation: link, and a reddit thread: link

With touch starvation finally making it into our vernacular, there are starting to be therapies and group meetups for touch deprived people (mostly major cities). I always think that pets are a great option for cuddling. And queer platonic relationships are super nice for this reason. The relationship is platonic, but you can cuddle and hug all you want. I’m also sure that a good friend wouldn’t mind if you asked for a hug. I hope that you are able to find someone whom you actually like, that you can cuddle up with someday. Good luck, Anon.

Hey so how do I know if i'm actually Ace …

Hey so how do I know if i'm actually Ace or if I'm just Demi and haven't found the right person? Because I keep second guessing myself and I think I'm Ace but I really don't know because maybe I haven't met the right person?

As a chronic worrier, I get that this might be hard, but the best thing you can do right now is try not to dwell on it. A lot of demi folk identified as asexual before they found that person they felt something sexual for. And it’s totally fine to change labels if you feel that the old one no longer fits. However, you can’t predict the future so just live your life and if that person comes along for you, great! If not, that’s great too! You don’t need to feel sexual attraction to be a complete person.

Hello! Recently I've been thinking I am a…

Hello! Recently I've been thinking I am ace. I do not feel any physical attraction(or only slightly only after I get strongly emotionally attracted to someone.. Basically the only physical thing I feel towards my crush is the need to be close to them and touch them somehow) and that is the same with my sexual attraction, only way less. Like I want to have sex in the future but at the same time I don't? I want to know how it feels but at the same time i don't care.. What could I be? Love you💜♥

Sounds like you could be demisexual or grey asexual.

From our FAQ 

What is Demisexuality/romantic?
Lack of sexual/romantic attraction until an emotional bond has been formed

What is Grey/Gray asexuality/romantic?
Sometimes experiencing sexual/romantic attraction, but under specific circumstances, and/or not strongly enough to want to act upon it

Hiya, is it alright if I dump a really long as…

Hiya, is it alright if I dump a really long ask in here? I'm not sure whether what I'm feeling qualifies as a squish or not…

From the AVEN Wiki: 

A squish is a strong desire for some kind of platonic (nonsexual, nonromantic) connection to another person. The concept of a squish is similar in nature to the idea of a “friend crush”. A squish can be towards anyone of any gender and a person may also have many squishes, all of which may be active.”

Hey, my name is Tobi, and I have been dating a…

Hey, my name is Tobi, and I have been dating a gray-ace male for a year now. I'm finding that I myself am having a hard time understanding what I 'want' as far as sex. Its like my mind and body never really agree and always fight. Like my mind will say yes, and that it sounds good, and my body will say no it doesn't want to. It also occurs that my body says yes, but my mind says fuck no. I'm just not sure where I fit or what to do.

Hey, sorry for the (super) late response. Have you looked into 

Autochorissexuality/Aegosexual? It’s The disconnection between oneself and the target or object of arousal. May involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities.

Here’s a link to a blog post talking about it   

I always feel like I can't reblog ace pos…

I always feel like I can't reblog ace positive or ace inclusive stuff because it's "cringe" right now on this website. I see posts making fun of anyone not a lesbian, gay, or bi all the time and it's so upsetting…

Man, fuck that “cringe culture” bullshit. Those people are just edge lord assholes who think that people can’t be enthusiastic about their interests, that identities that they hadn’t heard of aren’t real, and mock young artists for not having the most polished artwork. But who are they to judge anyone? 

Your existence and your interests are NOT “cringey”. You are not hurting anyone by just being yourself. Reblog as much ace stuff as you want, anon. It’s your blog and your life. 

Hi! I saw that you were making posts about as…

Hi! I saw that you were making posts about asexual youtubers. If you ever do a third post, would you consider adding Muffinmon Gaming to the list? They're relatively new to youtubing, but they're very nice and funny and play off each other very well. One is aroace and the other is gray-ace/demisexual.

I’m probably not going to put together another list for a long time…but thank you for sharing this channel!

Muffinmon Gaming