Category: Anonymous

Hey! This blog is awesome, thanks for running …

Hey! This blog is awesome, thanks for running it! Now, I don't want to offend with this question, I'm genuinely curious: how is it possible to be aroace and then be, for example, sapphic, or gay or pan? I see people who called themselves aroace but then also bi or something. If you can't answer this, them maybe could you direct me to a blog who can? Thanks so much! x

Thanks! @aroacelesbians​ answered this pretty well so I’ll redirect you here 

And there’s another post about it here

My ace ring that I've worn for almost fiv…

My ace ring that I've worn for almost five years is starting to look scratched and tarnished. Some areas are even turning silver! What does this mean? And should I get a new ring?

It…just means that you’ve worn it a lot. Some materials just wear out faster than others. Whether or not you get new ring is totally up to you, but if you are considering getting a new one, do some research on materials. I’ve read that tungsten is a good, mostly scratch resistant metal, and from a quick amazon search, it looks like it doesn’t cost too much for a simple ring. 

-Mod britt

Wait I don't mean to be rude but how can …

Wait I don't mean to be rude but how can you be bi aro and ace??

It’s not rude to ask questions when you don’t understand something. I’m aroace and don’t fully understand either, but I think I’m getting the idea from reading other people’s experiences.

 @biaroace wrote this about it: 

“In short, bi/gay/pan/etc. aroaces [oriented aroaces for short] experience attraction that’s neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. Most often, this attraction manifests as the desire to form committed partnerships with people of one’s preferred gender(s), but other experiences with non-romantic/sexual attraction exist as well.”

@morags wrote more about it here

Is it okay that even though I know I'm ac…

Is it okay that even though I know I'm ace and have accepted that proudly that I still feel like an outsider in the common world?

Yeah, I think we all feel like outsiders to some extent sometimes. Some people are just better at hiding their discomfort than others. No one in the world is the exact same, but it might help to know and accept yourself and find other people who accept you. Whether they be online or in person.

This has nothing to do with asexuality but qui…

This has nothing to do with asexuality but quite the opposite. An ex-friend of mine was very sexual and would do sexual things/have sex with anyone possible. I respect that she has the thoughts, but is it okay to be concerned/angry/upset when they try to force it on you?

Yes, you are allowed to be upset when someone tries to force something on you. You should have control of what you do with your body, just as they should have control of what they do with theirs. But they have absolutely no right to try and dictate what you do. That sounds like a shit ‘friend’ and possibly assault. I’m glad this person is now an ex-friend to you. You don’t need that toxicity. 

-Mod Britt

If you’re asexual, you are beautiful and…

If you’re asexual, you are beautiful and valid sorry I don’t make the rules

Hi, sorry to bother you: im a writer (and ace,…

Hi, sorry to bother you: im a writer (and ace, for that matter) and obviously i sometimes have ace characters in my books. Usually, these characters dont have sex, but (unless theyre aro) have romantic relationships. However, for one of my characters, i am planning to have her sleep with her boyfriend (in an entirely consensual way) but still be ace. Obviously, ace people can still have sex, but i was wondering how to write this, since i personally dont fully understand (part one]

[continued] dont understand how that works, because i have literally no desire to ever have sex. I mean, i get that some people can enjoy it while still being ace, but from a feelings point of view im not sure how to explain it, and i dont want to mess it up. I was wondering if you had any advice on how that kind of thing feels – and how people figure out that they want to/are willing to have sex despite being ace? Again, sorry to bother you.

Hey! We’re not really a writing advice blog. I mean, I write, but I’m not sure how good my advice would be. I suggest asking a writing blog like @scriptlgbt , maybe go to a writing forum, or look through @anagnori ‘s masterlist on writing ace characters. Their post ‘Sex scenes with asexual characters’ might be a big help here.

My personal advice: I assume that you’re not writing erotica, so you don’t have to give a play by play of your characters having sex. Many novels I read (especially YA) don’t. They usually start with the characters being romantic toward each other, usually some kissing, sometimes discussion, then cut to afterwards or maybe the next day or whatever. They might make reference to it or they might not. It depends on how major it is in context to the story.

Maybe you could have your characters being romantic or something, then the girl says she’d like to go further. This would be a good time to talk about she asexuality and how aces can have sex. And talk about Whether this is because she wants to have sex or she wanted to do this for her boyfriend. 

The boyfriend could show some shock or confusion and he can ask her “Aren’t you ace?” And the two can have a little discussion about how you don’t have to be attracted to someone to have sex and that libido is still a thing or something. Maybe she admits that she does masturbate sometimes to ‘scratch the itch’ but doesn’t think about anyone while doing so. Maybe the bf can reassure her that he’s fine if they don’t ever have sex. Just make sure it’s clear that they’re both into doing this and no one feels like they have to have sex in order to be together.
Then you can cut to them in bed (or wherever), the bf asking how it was or her just thinking about how she felt about it. You don’t need to tell us what they did. Just tell us how your character felt about it. Was it fun? Awkward? Disappointing? Did she have an idea from porn or pop culture and found out that it wasn’t really like that? Did she not feel much of anything? Maybe she wants to do it again? That’s all up to you.

Hope this helps. If anyone else has some advice, feel free to chime in.

– mod Britt

hey! about the ace youtubers list, make sure y…

hey! about the ace youtubers list, make sure you add Ricky Dillon! He's asexual and such a lovely person <3

he’s on the second list

All I want for Christmas is to hold my qpp but…

All I want for Christmas is to hold my qpp but they're on the other side of the content and I could cry.

Aw man, I’m sorry. I hope you guys can have a some video chat time and maybe get together later on next year. We still wish the both of you a nice Christmas!

If I make myself an ace ring would a silver ri…

If I make myself an ace ring would a silver ring with a spade (painted, or dyed apoxy) sealed off still be considered a proper Ace ring? I really want one but lack the funds to get a "proper ring" I also live in canda so that complicates things with most shippers

There aren’t any ring police, dude. The ace/aro ring thing is just a nice little unifying symbol for us on the ace and/or aro spectrum. You can wear whatever you want, whether it be a hair band, a cheap eBay ring, homemade, or something you got at a jewelry store. That spade river ring sounds cool, so go for it! And share some pics when it’s finished, if you want. I’d love to see it. 💜🖤💟💚💛

-Mod Britt