Category: aphobia

my notifications are flooding with aphobes all because i made ONE post about how all aces are valid. they won’t stop no matter how many times i say “just block me instead of starting drama” and i’m starting to go insane

Sorry you’ve had to deal with that, honey. We’ve recently had a few troll anons because an informational post of our somehow made it to the asshole side of tumblr. We just deleted them. With anon ‘trolling’ it’s best not to give them attention, because all they want is to be able to say that they got a rise out of you. They want to go back they their troll communities (or wherever they gather) and say ‘see, those ________ are clearly like this” or whatever. Don’t try and argue with them, because their mind is already set on one idea of you or a whole group of people. You won’t change their mind. And asking them to stop will only make it worse. 

The best thing you can probably do right now is delete all those messages, and either close your askbox or set it to only accept non-anons. 

Good luck!

Hope this helps <3

you know it’s really telling when a aphobe/aphobic post is reblogged by/agreed with radfems 🤔🤔🤔 (there’s a post in the asexual tag about gay aces aren’t asexual just “homosexuals not wanting sex” and 99% of reblogs are radfems, gross)

ugh, gross.

theasexualityblog: singingwiththemooses submitted:I came out to my mom under what i consider to be…

theasexualityblog:

singingwiththemooses submitted:

I came out to my mom under what i consider to be the worst circumstances. Several people who i considered friends were saying extremely acephobic things to me in a group chat, which upset me. So i was crying fight a panic attack when i finally decide to talk to my mom, seeing as bottling it would have made it worse. And at first i tried to hide it still but i eventually gave up just told her. To which she replied “I know.” And went on about how she supported me.

It took me monthes to come out to the rest of my fam, who all replied with the same phrase: “I know.” So I either suck at being in the closet or my mom told everyone. Both are very likely.

hi-def-doritos: ravengirl-foxboy-andothers: A handy pie chart I…

hi-def-doritos:

ravengirl-foxboy-andothers:

A handy pie chart I made for people who STILL don’t get it.

I have a friend I need to show this to.

returnofthemackles: Acephobia is so disgusting ? Like, saying asexual people are just heterosexual…

returnofthemackles:

Acephobia is so disgusting ? Like, saying asexual people are just heterosexual people who are trying to worm into the lgbt+ community is literally disgusting. Isn’t the definition of “heterosexuality” being attracted to the gender that is not yours? And asexuality and aromanticism is literally being attracted to NO ONE ? If you are asexual, you are not straight. Period. Why the heck does acephobia even exist I dont understand. A community who struggles with oppression like those in the lgbt+ community should understand OF ALL PEOPLE what it feels like and seeing it coming from these people is truly disgusting.

And for those of you who say “Ace people don’t know what it’s like to be oppressed. Acephobia doesn’t exist.” YOU’RE THE ONE DOING THE OPPRESSING, ASSHOLE.

If you feel the need to exclude ace people from this community, unfollow me.

I have a question. Why do some people think that asexuals don’t belong in the lgbt community?

Ugh. A few reasons. All of which are ridiculous. Here’s the cliffnotes version:

1. Some people (aphobes) think that not being attracted to anyone is basically the same as being straight. ??? 

  1. That makes no sense. 
  2. That’s a very heteronormative why of looking at sexuality. Essentially making straight the default. 
  3. It’s erasure. 
  4. They conveniently forget that aces can be bi/homo/pan/etc. romantic. 

2. Aphobes think that aces don’t experience discrimination/oppression. (I’m really tired of the oppression olympics that I’ve seen going around lately on that subject within the lgbtq. I’m not even gonna link to any posts about it. Search at your own risk.)

3. Aphobes don’t think that asexuality is real. (Spoiler alert: it is. There’s even a whole spectrum!) 

Anyway, aphobes are literal garbage and it’s all bullshit used to justify the discrimination of another group that some people don’t understand. Which is pretty ironic when we’re talking about the lgbtq+. 

Just surround yourself with positivity and ignore the nonsense. <3

image

Heyo~ (idk if you’re answering things right now but I’ll ask anyway) I’m 14 and have been questioning for two or so years, and I’ve settled on ace for now, but whenever I tell anyone they’d respond with something like “well you can’t be sure, you’re a virgin” or “you’re too young to know” or “you can’t know until you’re at least 18” and I don’t know how to deal with any of that. They all support me but don’t take me seriously when I say I’m ace. What should I do???

Experience doesn’t necessarily mean you become attracted to what the experience was or who it was with. If people can know that they’re straight without having sex, then you can know that you are asexual. The same goes with other orientations, like gay, bi, pan,etc. They don’t support you if they’re actively denying or belittling your experience of lack thereof. 

If you are asexual, then you are allowed to call yourself that. And you’re allowed use asexual if it fits right now, it’s okay if it changes in the future, but that’s unlikely. The people who really care will stop saying those things at some point when they realize that that is who you are. Some people will not. 

If you want to, you can retort with “How do you know you’re not gay/straight/bi unless you’ve not had sex/haven’t had it with different genders/had sex before you were x age.” This can show how silly it is for them to say such things, and it challenges heteronormativity. 

werewolf-noises: rogueoftimeywimeystuff: courteousmingler: people are making posts…

werewolf-noises:

rogueoftimeywimeystuff:

courteousmingler:

people are making posts about “supporting healthy sexual communication” as a guise for pushing rhetoric about it being acceptable for non-ace people to pressure aces into sex.

like they’re pushing conversations where a non-ace partner asks, repeatedly and consistently, about sex and sexual boundaries using a script that out of context sounds like a healthy attempt to have a conversation about sexual boundaries.

and yet they’re really using the language of discussing consent to mask the fact that they’re hounding an asexual partner about their lack of interest in things becoming sexual.

“can you remind me of your sexual boundaries again?” being asked repeatedly to an ace who has outright stated constantly that they have no interested in having sex with this partner, for example. 

it’s a means of pressuring and guilting them into sex, shaming them for their refusal to participate in sex acts with their partner.

and whenever the abuser is called out on it, they can very conveniently point out their choice of wording and how their pestering has always taken the form of conversations about consent and sexual boundaries. 

conversations about consent and sexual boundaries between partners are wonderful and necessary and important.

constantly trying to broach these conversations after your partner has given you a hard “no” on sex ever happening? is an attempt to shame and pressure them into being sexual with you, in a way that makes it almost impossible for them to expose you doing it.

and of course, this tactic also allows you to paint anyone who opposes these rapes (as pressuring someone into sex using guilt and shame IS rape) as being a hater of healthy conversations about sex/consent between partners.

turning “when will we have sex?” to “talk to me again about your boundaries?” when the asexual partner has clearly affirmed they’re sex repulsed…is an act of trying to escape social consequence for a literal rape. 

it also allows them to paint those opposed to this manipulation tactic (and the subsequent sexual assaults) as being the “REAL” anti-survivor group, as they appear to be attacking a couple’s right to talk about sex.

this is insidious beyond all belief. using the language of consent politics to pester and manipulate your partner into sex acts they don’t desire is monstrous. 

this is coming from the same group of people who entered a conversation about asexuals being pressured into sex (aka raped) to remind everyone that denying someone sex can be abusive.

these people are really good at using doublespeak and deceptive word choice to paint themselves as a righteous cause while pushing literal rape apologism.

i’m angry. i’m really fucking angry. 

Btw: when someone says no to something, the correct and healthy way to have that boundary change is to have the other person broach the subject.

Yes, some sex repulsed people do end up wanting to try of their own volition. They should bring it up though that they want to try. Okay? Not their partner. When someone says no, that should be taken at face value until the other person, unprompted, broaches the subject.

Eta: the ask repeatedly thing is so people feel okay turning yes to no not badgering their partner to say yes instead of no.

Important read, as this is a big part of how my ex managed to twist things into such a steaming mess. Capitulation is not consent.

Defending the term Asexual

your-heart-is-a-tardis:

Ace: Hey yeah umm I’m asexual

Silly bugger: That’s a plant thing, you’re not a plant.

Ace: No it means I do not experience sexual attraction.

Silly bugger: Well you still shouldn’t call it that.

Ace: Sure. Hey what’s the opposite of symmetrical?

Silly bugger: Asymmet— ah crap.

Ace: I fucking thought so!

The nine types of people you meet when you come out as asexual

anagnori:

1. The unbeliever

  • “You’re just a late bloomer.”
  • “You’ll grow out of it.”
  • “You’re just saying that because you can’t get laid.”
  • “No way, you’re a man, men aren’t like that.”
  • “You’re just playing hard to get.”
  • “You just want attention.”
  • “You’re just trying to seem special/different/trendy.”
  • “No way, you’ve had sex before, you’re not asexual.”
  • “You must be faking it because natural selection wouldn’t allow asexuality to persist.”

2. The unwanted sympathizer

  • “I feel sorry for you.”
  • “Wow, that sucks.”
  • “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
  • “I can’t imagine a life without sex!”
  • “Your life must be so empty/lonely/pointless.”
  • “Aww, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who wants to date you!”
  • “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

3. The intrusive questioner

  • “Do you masturbate?”
  • “What do your genitals look like?”
  • “Don’t you ever get horny?”
  • “What happens when you have a sex dream?”
  • “Is it because of your religion?”
  • “Do you have something wrong with your genitals?”
  • “Did somebody hurt you?”
  • “Were you sexually abused or something?”
  • “Did you get raped?”

4. The asshole questioner

  • “Do you reproduce by budding?”
  • “Do you still think [opposite sex] have cooties?”
  • “So are you in love with yourself?”
  • “Are you attracted to animals?”
  • “But everybody likes sex, what’s wrong with you?”

5. The unnecessary therapist

  • “Have you tried having your hormones checked?”
  • “You’re just afraid to get close to people.”
  • “You’re in denial about being gay.”
  • “You’re not asexual, you’re just shy/frigid/repressed.”
  • “You must be a psychopath.”
  • “You probably have [insert mental disorder here].”
  • “You should seek therapy.”
  • “Have you tried Viagra?”
  • “Do you think you’re not worthy of being loved?”
  • “But what if you change your mind some day?”
  • “You should keep an open mind in case you meet somebody special.”
  • “You’re afraid of sex/intimacy/falling in love.”
  • “If you don’t like sex then you must not have been doing it right.”
  • “How can you know you don’t want it if you’ve never tried it?”

6. The progressive who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about

  • “Stop slut-shaming people!”
  • “You’re being homophobic.”
  • “You’re appropriating the struggles of REAL queer people.”
  • “Since when have you ever been oppressed for NOT having sex?”
  • “That’s not a real sexual orientation.”
  • “What, do you think you’re better than me for not having sex?”
  • “You’re repressed, you need to be sexually liberated.”

7. The conservative who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about

  • “All women are like that.”
  • “You’re being selfish by not getting married.”
  • “If you don’t procreate, your life is pointless.”
  • “Not having sex is unnatural.”
  • “You’re sinning against God.”
  • “You have a duty to your parents/ancestors to give them grandchildren.”

8. The creep

  • “You just need to get laid.”
  • “I can change your mind.”
  • “I’m Robin Thicke.”
  • “Someone should just force you to have sex so you’ll realize you like it.”

9. The actually decent person

  • “You’re asexual? Okay, cool. Have you seen my keys, by the way?”