Sorry you’ve had to deal with that, honey. We’ve recently had a few troll anons because an informational post of our somehow made it to the asshole side of tumblr. We just deleted them. With anon ‘trolling’ it’s best not to give them attention, because all they want is to be able to say that they got a rise out of you. They want to go back they their troll communities (or wherever they gather) and say ‘see, those ________ are clearly like this” or whatever. Don’t try and argue with them, because their mind is already set on one idea of you or a whole group of people. You won’t change their mind. And asking them to stop will only make it worse.
The best thing you can probably do right now is delete all those messages, and either close your askbox or set it to only accept non-anons.
I came out to my mom under what i consider to be the worst circumstances. Several people who i considered friends were saying extremely acephobic things to me in a group chat, which upset me. So i was crying fight a panic attack when i finally decide to talk to my mom, seeing as bottling it would have made it worse. And at first i tried to hide it still but i eventually gave up just told her. To which she replied “I know.” And went on about how she supported me.
It took me monthes to come out to the rest of my fam, who all replied with the same phrase: “I know.” So I either suck at being in the closet or my mom told everyone. Both are very likely.
Acephobia is so disgusting ? Like, saying asexual people are just heterosexual people who are trying to worm into the lgbt+ community is literally disgusting. Isn’t the definition of “heterosexuality” being attracted to the gender that is not yours? And asexuality and aromanticism is literally being attracted to NO ONE ? If you are asexual, you are not straight. Period. Why the heck does acephobia even exist I dont understand. A community who struggles with oppression like those in the lgbt+ community should understand OF ALL PEOPLE what it feels like and seeing it coming from these people is truly disgusting.
And for those of you who say “Ace people don’t know what it’s like to be oppressed. Acephobia doesn’t exist.” YOU’RE THE ONE DOING THE OPPRESSING, ASSHOLE.
If you feel the need to exclude ace people from this community, unfollow me.
Ugh. A few reasons. All of which are ridiculous. Here’s the cliffnotes version:
1. Some people (aphobes) think that not being attracted to anyone is basically the same as being straight. ???
That makes no sense.
That’s a very heteronormative why of looking at sexuality. Essentially making straight the default.
They conveniently forget that aces can be bi/homo/pan/etc. romantic.
2. Aphobes think that aces don’t experience discrimination/oppression. (I’m really tired of the oppression olympics that I’ve seen going around lately on that subject within the lgbtq. I’m not even gonna link to any posts about it. Search at your own risk.)
3. Aphobes don’t think that asexuality is real. (Spoiler alert: it is. There’s even a whole spectrum!)
Anyway, aphobes are literal garbage and it’s all bullshit used to justify the discrimination of another group that some people don’t understand. Which is pretty ironic when we’re talking about the lgbtq+.
Just surround yourself with positivity and ignore the nonsense. <3
Experience doesn’t necessarily mean you become attracted to what the experience was or who it was with. If people can know that they’re straight without having sex, then you can know that you are asexual. The same goes with other orientations, like gay, bi, pan,etc. They don’t support you if they’re actively denying or belittling your experience of lack thereof.
If you are asexual, then you are allowed to call yourself that. And you’re allowed use asexual if it fits right now, it’s okay if it changes in the future, but that’s unlikely. The people who really care will stop saying those things at some point when they realize that that is who you are. Some people will not.
If you want to, you can retort with “How do you know you’re not gay/straight/bi unless you’ve not had sex/haven’t had it with different genders/had sex before you were x age.” This can show how silly it is for them to say such things, and it challenges heteronormativity.
people are making posts about “supporting healthy sexual communication” as a guise for pushing rhetoric about it being acceptable for non-ace people to pressure aces into sex.
like they’re pushing conversations where a non-ace partner asks, repeatedly and consistently, about sex and sexual boundaries using a script that out of context sounds like a healthy attempt to have a conversation about sexual boundaries.
and yet they’re really using the language of discussing consent to mask the fact that they’re hounding an asexual partner about their lack of interest in things becoming sexual.
“can you remind me of your sexual boundaries again?” being asked repeatedly to an ace who has outright stated constantly that they have no interested in having sex with this partner, for example.
it’s a means of pressuring and guilting them into sex, shaming them for their refusal to participate in sex acts with their partner.
and whenever the abuser is called out on it, they can very conveniently point out their choice of wording and how their pestering has always taken the form of conversations about consent and sexual boundaries.
conversations about consent and sexual boundaries between partners are wonderful and necessary and important.
constantly trying to broach these conversations after your partner has given you a hard “no” on sex ever happening? is an attempt to shame and pressure them into being sexual with you, in a way that makes it almost impossible for them to expose you doing it.
and of course, this tactic also allows you to paint anyone who opposes these rapes (as pressuring someone into sex using guilt and shame IS rape) as being a hater of healthy conversations about sex/consent between partners.
turning “when will we have sex?” to “talk to me again about your boundaries?” when the asexual partner has clearly affirmed they’re sex repulsed…is an act of trying to escape social consequence for a literal rape.
it also allows them to paint those opposed to this manipulation tactic (and the subsequent sexual assaults) as being the “REAL” anti-survivor group, as they appear to be attacking a couple’s right to talk about sex.
this is insidious beyond all belief. using the language of consent politics to pester and manipulate your partner into sex acts they don’t desire is monstrous.
this is coming from the same group of people who entered a conversation about asexuals being pressured into sex (aka raped) to remind everyone that denying someone sex can be abusive.
these people are really good at using doublespeak and deceptive word choice to paint themselves as a righteous cause while pushing literal rape apologism.
i’m angry. i’m really fucking angry.
Btw: when someone says no to something, the correct and healthy way to have that boundary change is to have the other person broach the subject.
Yes, some sex repulsed people do end up wanting to try of their own volition. They should bring it up though that they want to try. Okay? Not their partner. When someone says no, that should be taken at face value until the other person, unprompted, broaches the subject.
Eta: the ask repeatedly thing is so people feel okay turning yes to no not badgering their partner to say yes instead of no.
Important read, as this is a big part of how my ex managed to twist things into such a steaming mess. Capitulation is not consent.