What is so hard to understand and accept about the phrase “I’m hurting”???
You’d think the rest of the LGBT would understand better than anyone what its like to suffer because of who you are.
But for some indiscernable reason, when aces and aros try to explain their experiences and what they face in society, all of a sudden it’s a competition??
“You don’t have it THAT bad!” “That’s nothing compared to what x people face!!”
In all my years, I’ve never had a harder time with any of my identities. I’d say even being trans is easier to deal with because my negative experiences as a trans person are never invalidated to try to prove a point.
My experiences as an acespec arospec person, however, have been treated as fictitious, as overreactions, and I’ve been told that my very real, traumatizing experiences when coming out as ace were “nothing compared to REAL trauma from ‘coming out’ as LGBT.”
I’ve been told that my experiences were the result of misogyny, even though I’m not a woman. I’ve been told that compulsory heterosexuality and the threat of conversion rape do not effect me, because I’m ace and aro, not gay.
Worst of all, I’ve been ignored when I talk about how I grew up being told and treated like I was a fucked up, broken waste of space, and that only three years ago did I even have a response to defend myself because my “condition” was still listed and treated as a mental illness by psychiatrists (and still is, if they are unaware of asexuality and aromanticism, because the definitions are still listed.)
I do not care if you want to fight about whether aces and aros belong in the LGBT. I do not care if you want to ignore ace history or our long involvement with the LGBT. I do not care if you want to argue about any of it.
But you cannot, CANNOT, continue to talk and behave as though aces and aros do not experience any repercussions of our identities. You cannot pretend that we don’t deal with functioning in a heteronormative society that “others” us from them as much as you do. And you CANNOT tell people who are hurting that they are not hurting, that their hurting is “not as bad as someone else’s,” or that their hurting doesn’t count because you think it was inflicted for other reasons.
Suffering is suffering, and even if you hate us so much that you don’t want to unite with us against the same people causing both our suffering, the least you can do is not erase that suffering.
I cannot for the life of me understand why the majority of the otherwise lovely SJ-minded tumblr is so viciously and dismissively aphobic. I’ve unfollowed a bunch of people recently for treating this all like a joke. Seriously, how hard can it be to have a shred of goddamn empathy for people who are also marginalized???