Category: ask

hello! I'm ace myself but I struggle to u…

hello! I'm ace myself but I struggle to understand some parts of aroace folks. How can you be les/bi/pan/straight/etc if you're aroace?

I do believe so, for example you could have a preference for a Queer platonic relationship to be rather with men, women, women and men and other genders, etc. So for example you could call yourself an aroace lesbian if you feel like the sapphic identity fits. (When I say women and men I do mean both cis and trans women/men)

And if you´re not sex/romance repulsed and you want a relationship that involves some romantic and/or sexual activities you can still have a preference for whom you´d share those activities with so yes, I do think that you can be both aroace and les/bi/gay/straight/etc. if it feels like the label fits.

(Aroaces, aros and aces can still engage in romantic and/or sexual activities if they choose to. Asexuality/Aromantism is just the lack of sexual/romantic attraction. You can still have a libido/sex drive as an ace or seek out romantic activities as an aro cause you enjoy the feeling they give you and still be ace/aro)

I´m aroace myself but I´m personally much more comfortable around women or at least not cis men, so if I were to pursue a QPR with someone I´d probably choose a woman as a partner or someone who is genderqueer/trans aka not a cis man. So I think Iam more sapphic or bi leaning? I still need to figure that out. But that is a very theoretical situation.

– Mod Paula

Hi! I am 20, straight, and I never had a boyfr…

Hi! I am 20, straight, and I never had a boyfriend, kissed anyone or anything else like that. Most of my friends think it’s weird. When I think about sex it just doesn’t attract me at all, to be honest it scares me a lot (which is thought stupid by some because I never even kissed someone.) I think yes, I would like to have a boyfriend but the sex part just… scares the hell out of me and I don’t think I want it. Kissing also scares me and doesn’t appeal to me. Would this mean I am asexual?

It could potentially mean that you´re asexual and heteroromantic yes, and it´s not stupid or weird to never have kissed someone or to be afraid of sex/feel intimidated and scared of it.

I had my first relationship with 18 and I first kissed with almost 21 and decided it was not for me. If you feel like the ace label fits you can identify as it, all aces are welcome in the ace community <3

I recently was diagnosed with PCOS. Meaning I …

I recently was diagnosed with PCOS. Meaning I may never be able to carry or birth my own children. I’m also ace. The doctors started messing with my hormones and so I’m now more emotional and want children even more. I told someone that I would do anything to carry my own child even though I dislike sex. They told me that I can’t be ace if I wanna carry my own children. I’m not ready to have kids yet bc I’m only 19 and I’m doing reborn therapy. But I’d like your thoughts on this?

Hi there! 

I totally understand the dilemma and frustration. I, too, have chronic ovarian issues and am likely infertile. Although it does affect hormones, sexual attraction can be completely separate. Could they be related? Absolutely, but regardless, you identify as ace. An ace can have sex, enjoy sex, and want to carry children and still be ace. Asexuality is simply not having a sexual attraction towards someone. You are your own person, and wanting to carry children doesn’t define your sexuality at all. 

I just wanted to say thanks for speaking up ab…

I just wanted to say thanks for speaking up about the "anti" thing. I really appreciate that. I know people who have been called all sorts of terrible things and have received really awful threats because of ships other people arbitrarily call "problematic" for reasons I can't even comprehend. It's a really scary movement that has caused real harm to people. So yeah, I appreciate knowing that this blog isn't about that life 💕

I personally find shipping wars and that whole anti shipper thing stupid. It sounds like purity police to me who deem anything unshippable and problematic that isnt 100% pure, wholesome and has no age gap (I mean like 16/17 year olds and with 18/19 year olds, that isnt a huge gap, yes I´ve even seen dicourse about a ship with 17 yo and an 18 yo which is ridiculous)

This movement is dangerous and poison to fandom, again it is alright to dislike and avoid a ship but harassing people or sending death threats their way over a ship is just stupid. And I will not stand by it.

And don´t get me started about those antis who are minors. You are responsible for your own media experience, if something makes you uncomfortable just unfollow and block that person and blacklist tags that make you uncomfortable. Adults on this site aren´t responsible for you consuming mature material, in most cases it is labeled as mature content. Just don´t click on it. We are not your parents.

– Mod Paula

I just wanted to say thanks for speaking up ab…

I just wanted to say thanks for speaking up about the "anti" thing. I really appreciate that. I know people who have been called all sorts of terrible things and have received really awful threats because of ships other people arbitrarily call "problematic" for reasons I can't even comprehend. It's a really scary movement that has caused real harm to people. So yeah, I appreciate knowing that this blog isn't about that life 💕

I personally find shipping wars and that whole anti shipper thing stupid. It sounds like purity police to me who deem anything unshippable and problematic that isnt 100% pure, wholesome and has no age gap (I mean like 16/17 year olds and with 18/19 year olds, that isnt a huge gap, yes I´ve even seen dicourse about a ship with 17 yo and an 18 yo which is ridiculous)

This movement is dangerous and poison to fandom, again it is alright to dislike and avoid a ship but harassing people or sending death threats their way over a ship is just stupid. And I will not stand by it.

And don´t get me started about those antis who are minors. You are responsible for your own media experience, if something makes you uncomfortable just unfollow and block that person and blacklist tags that make you uncomfortable. Adults on this site aren´t responsible for you consuming mature material, in most cases it is labeled as mature content. Just don´t click on it. We are not your parents.

– Mod Paula

i agreed w that reg rhetoric post until it got…

i agreed w that reg rhetoric post until it got to the anti part… like, im not an anti, but i dont think being against certain ships is comparable to being against someones sexuality (bc u can choose what to ship, and you dont choose your sexuality?) and i think the fact that part is included in the post really ruins the credibility of the whole post. like i agree with the other points, but that one section just does not belong there

To be fair the creator didn´t try to compare being against a sexuality
or gender with being against shipping, they just tried to point out that
anti shippers also, maybe unintentionally, can use Radfem/Reg rhetoric
when talking about ships. If it´s Radfem/reg rhetoric then it fits the post´s message

It´s not against people who don´t like certain ships and avoid them it´s the people that want to police what others can ship like they´re the purity police and that harass people about ships that they deem, even just a little, “problematic”. I don´t condone certain ships, but I mostly just avoid them.

– Mod Paula

Hi, this may sound real embarrassing but I don…

Hi, this may sound real embarrassing but I don’t know who else to turn to apart from tumblr 😅. I’m a 21 y/o asexual and I’ve grown to be more comfortable with my sexuality. I just don’t know anyone else who is asexual and I feel quite lonely bc I want to have more asexual friends who I can share my thoughts and feelings. I’m surrounded with good friends but not ones that understand me well. Is there perhaps a community I could join or possibly find some friends on here?

Hi friend! Fear not, I’m the same way. Aces are few and far between it seems like. I’m 19 and in college right now, and I’ve only met one other asexual at my university so far. I would definitely say this blog is a great start! If nothing else, I’ll be your friend for certain! You’ll find your people, I promise.

How would I go about having a platonic traditi…

How would I go about having a platonic traditional wedding without any of the kissing or "i pledge my life to you" thing or taking someone's last name cuz I wanna have a nice traditional wedding with the bouquet throw and in a church and with speeches from the best friend (i dunno the gender neutral term for groomspeople) and cutting the cake and everything PLATONIC because I decided if I'm ever gonna have a platonic marriage, I want all the traditional wedding stuff but platonic.

Some / most denominations probably have guidelines for the wedding ceremonies that take place in their churches, so what you can / can’t have in a ceremony would be partially limited by the church you want it in. Some of these will probably consider romance/consummation/raising children as integral parts of a marriage. Others may be more relaxed on their expectations of a marriage and/or wedding ceremony.

So, on that front, the best advice I can give you is to look into what a specific church considers a marriage and a wedding ceremony to see if what you want will be something they’ll be okay with sanctioning through the use of their space and minister/priest/etc. Some will have a strict how-things-are and others may be more lenient. Talk to potential venues and officiants as one of your first steps in planning. 

I recently got married, but not in a church, and from start to finish, we designed our ceremony and our reception. We looked at a bunch of general outlines of wedding ceremonies and receptions, and picked what we wanted and didn’t want, and in what order we were going to do things. 

So from that aspect, as long as the church you choose is okay with it, you could replace or eliminate the kiss from your ceremony as you see fit, you can choose the vows you want or write your own. 

As far as changing your name, that’s largely a legal matter. When you apply for a marriage license through a local government branch – like a county admin building, but I think it can vary by specific state – you will specify your current name and your name after marriage. Simply put your same name for current and post-marriage. (Unfortunately, changing a name is not as simple…)

Generally I’d say that the cake,  bouquet toss, and speeches take place during a wedding reception rather than the wedding ceremony itself, but if you have the leeway from your church venue you can do them whenever you want. 

& we didn’t find a consensus on a gender-neutral term for bridesmaids/groomsmen, there are a lot of options, but we went with wedding party.

So, basically, the biggest issue you’ll probably run into is finding a church that will be okay with the strictly platonic elements of the wedding.

-Mod Leaf

Can I still use just the asexual flag if I fal…

Can I still use just the asexual flag if I fall under the umbrella but don't identify strictly as asexual?

Absolutely!!

-Sarah

Hullo! I’m the creator of the “gonna ace this” shirt :D you tagged it with #I WOULD BUY THIS so I thought I’d let you know that the design is for sale on my Redbubble! (Link in my blog description ❤)

https://www.redbubble.com/people/phoenixtcm 

I’m definitely going to buy one! I love the design:)

-Sarah