How would I go about having a platonic traditional wedding without any of the kissing or "i pledge my life to you" thing or taking someone's last name cuz I wanna have a nice traditional wedding with the bouquet throw and in a church and with speeches from the best friend (i dunno the gender neutral term for groomspeople) and cutting the cake and everything PLATONIC because I decided if I'm ever gonna have a platonic marriage, I want all the traditional wedding stuff but platonic.
Some / most denominations probably have guidelines for the wedding ceremonies that take place in their churches, so what you can / can’t have in a ceremony would be partially limited by the church you want it in. Some of these will probably consider romance/consummation/raising children as integral parts of a marriage. Others may be more relaxed on their expectations of a marriage and/or wedding ceremony.
So, on that front, the best advice I can give you is to look into what a specific church considers a marriage and a wedding ceremony to see if what you want will be something they’ll be okay with sanctioning through the use of their space and minister/priest/etc. Some will have a strict how-things-are and others may be more lenient. Talk to potential venues and officiants as one of your first steps in planning.
I recently got married, but not in a church, and from start to finish, we designed our ceremony and our reception. We looked at a bunch of general outlines of wedding ceremonies and receptions, and picked what we wanted and didn’t want, and in what order we were going to do things.
So from that aspect, as long as the church you choose is okay with it, you could replace or eliminate the kiss from your ceremony as you see fit, you can choose the vows you want or write your own.
As far as changing your name, that’s largely a legal matter. When you apply for a marriage license through a local government branch – like a county admin building, but I think it can vary by specific state – you will specify your current name and your name after marriage. Simply put your same name for current and post-marriage. (Unfortunately, changing a name is not as simple…)
Generally I’d say that the cake, bouquet toss, and speeches take place during a wedding reception rather than the wedding ceremony itself, but if you have the leeway from your church venue you can do them whenever you want.
& we didn’t find a consensus on a gender-neutral term for bridesmaids/groomsmen, there are a lot of options, but we went with wedding party.
So, basically, the biggest issue you’ll probably run into is finding a church that will be okay with the strictly platonic elements of the wedding.