Category: ask

How would I go about having a platonic traditi…

How would I go about having a platonic traditional wedding without any of the kissing or "i pledge my life to you" thing or taking someone's last name cuz I wanna have a nice traditional wedding with the bouquet throw and in a church and with speeches from the best friend (i dunno the gender neutral term for groomspeople) and cutting the cake and everything PLATONIC because I decided if I'm ever gonna have a platonic marriage, I want all the traditional wedding stuff but platonic.

Some / most denominations probably have guidelines for the wedding ceremonies that take place in their churches, so what you can / can’t have in a ceremony would be partially limited by the church you want it in. Some of these will probably consider romance/consummation/raising children as integral parts of a marriage. Others may be more relaxed on their expectations of a marriage and/or wedding ceremony.

So, on that front, the best advice I can give you is to look into what a specific church considers a marriage and a wedding ceremony to see if what you want will be something they’ll be okay with sanctioning through the use of their space and minister/priest/etc. Some will have a strict how-things-are and others may be more lenient. Talk to potential venues and officiants as one of your first steps in planning. 

I recently got married, but not in a church, and from start to finish, we designed our ceremony and our reception. We looked at a bunch of general outlines of wedding ceremonies and receptions, and picked what we wanted and didn’t want, and in what order we were going to do things. 

So from that aspect, as long as the church you choose is okay with it, you could replace or eliminate the kiss from your ceremony as you see fit, you can choose the vows you want or write your own. 

As far as changing your name, that’s largely a legal matter. When you apply for a marriage license through a local government branch – like a county admin building, but I think it can vary by specific state – you will specify your current name and your name after marriage. Simply put your same name for current and post-marriage. (Unfortunately, changing a name is not as simple…)

Generally I’d say that the cake,  bouquet toss, and speeches take place during a wedding reception rather than the wedding ceremony itself, but if you have the leeway from your church venue you can do them whenever you want. 

& we didn’t find a consensus on a gender-neutral term for bridesmaids/groomsmen, there are a lot of options, but we went with wedding party.

So, basically, the biggest issue you’ll probably run into is finding a church that will be okay with the strictly platonic elements of the wedding.

-Mod Leaf

Can I still use just the asexual flag if I fal…

Can I still use just the asexual flag if I fall under the umbrella but don't identify strictly as asexual?

Absolutely!!

-Sarah

Hullo! I’m the creator of the “gonna ace this” shirt :D you tagged it with #I WOULD BUY THIS so I thought I’d let you know that the design is for sale on my Redbubble! (Link in my blog description ❤)

https://www.redbubble.com/people/phoenixtcm 

I’m definitely going to buy one! I love the design:)

-Sarah

I identify as asexual, asexual meaning no sexual attraction, but I’m not to sure what sexual attraction is??? For example, I can look at a male, female or whoever and find them good looking, attractive. But is that the same thing as sexual attraction??? What is the difference????

It sounds like you’re talking about aesthetic attraction, which is generally defined as the appreciation of someone’s appearance. It’s very much different from sexual attraction!

I’m aromantic, but I enjoy reading about romance and love songs, as long as they’re not sexual or too graphic. Is that a thing?

Yep! the only “requirement” for identifying as aro is to, well, identify as aro. It doesn’t matter what you enjoy, because action is separate from attraction

-Sarah

I FINALLY CAME OUT TO MY MOM AS ASEXUAL AND SHE RESPONDED PRETTY MUCH WITH “SAME TBH” AND IT WAS SO GREAT SO NOW WE’RE BOTH ASEXUAL AS FUCK AND IT’S AWESOME

I’m so happy for you!! 

-Sarah

Where can i get more info about qprs? I know the basics of it, but im interested in having one in the future, and am afraif of misconceptions. Thanks!

@theqppofqpps is a great place to start! 

-Sarah

So, I’m pretty sure I’m ace, but the main question is, how do I know what sexual attraction is? I have friends who have told me that there are times, especially at the time in their cycle when they are at peak fertility, that they feel a desire to have sex and I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that, the only time I feel different in my cycle is when my period starts, but that’s typical, I feel lots of pain and have way to many emotions to deal with, but that’s it. Does that make me ace? Thanks

It sounds like you could be ace, or just have a low sex drive. Either way, you are very much welcome to identify as ace if you feel it’s a good fit for you!

-Sarah

@the anon who’s afraid to go to pride, etc, I’m sure if it’ll help, but like 90% if exclutionist stuff is online. I’m an officer in my school’s GSA and I went to pride this year, and I haven’t encountered any exclutionist stuff in person. I was even able to buy an ace flag at pride.

^^^^

I just want to tell you how i came out to my best friend for the first time as ace. We were taking the bus home from school this january, and i just wanted to come out and be done. I had been so stressed for six month by keeping it in. So i told her that I am ace. And she looked at me and said; I am too. I have never felt so relived in my life. I just wanted to share it and i really like how the whole situation went. Have a nice day :)

Isn’t it strange how aspec people manage to find each other before knowing the other is aspec? It’s like we’ve all got this superpower, and it’s super awesome. I’m so happy your coming out went well! Keep on being awesome:)

-Sarah