Category: Mod leaf

Can I still see myself as Aroace if I want to pursue a relationship but not feeling any sexual or romantic attraction?

Absolutely! Desire to be in a relationship doesn’t contradict being aro or ace or both. It’s not uncommon for ace and/or aro people to be in relationships.

Think of it like this. If you’re not asexual and you ever wonder how/why an asexual person might have sex, ask yourself these questions.

Have you had sex with someone you’re not attracted to? Alternatively, do you recognize that people can & do have sex with people they aren’t attracted to?

Then, have you ever had sex with someone you were attracted to for reasons other than, or in addition to, being attracted to them? Or the general, do you recognize that people can & do have sex with people they are attracted to for reasons other than, or in addition to, being attracted to them?

And in those answers there’s the start to the how/why of aces who do have sex.

Do you ever get extreme hate for being an asexual blog and how do you deal with it? I have a small blog myself, but I regularly receive death threats from exclusionists that claim that aces don't have violence directed at them (obviously, they are contradicting their own claims) and aren't LGBTQ+. Generally speaking, I report the hate and block the user/ISP and ignore the comment, but is there a better way to deal?

As long as I’ve been a mod we haven’t been hit with anything that severe, fortunately. Back a couple of years ago when I just followed the blog, I seem to remember that the mod team was dealing with a lot more hate for a while there.

It’s awful that you have to go through that with your blog. And it’s unfortunate that tumblr isn’t better with doing anything about threats and messages like that. It sounds like you’re doing what you can, and what’s best for you. Engaging with people like that really won’t do anything but wear you out, and it’s not worth your time and energy.

-Mod Leaf


Look, I know what sexually attractive people look like. They’re able-bodied, thin, and show some naked skin at some point.

Just kidding. But not really; for all this talk about aces actually being ‘repressed virgins’, it takes a certain awakening to realize that a person isn’t actually attractive, but instead just white. These internal epiphanies are often necessary for lgbt/queer people, because our sex lives are under strict scrutiny. We have no choice but to be critical about ourselves. We spend years thinking we’re actually experiencing sexual attraction when we’re really not.

Your bog-standard aphobe says that ace explicitry is in fact sexual attraction in action, and therefore you’re not actually ace. Or to stretch it further, they claim that asexuality doesn’t even exist. After all, a want to have sex with a specific someone is the definition of sexual attraction, right?

But it’s obviously more than that. We don’t experience some emotional magnetic pull towards a Hitatchi, even if we greatly desire the use of it. Other forms of earthly life exercise sex as a community building activity, something to instigate to avoid possible disputes or relationship rifts. Partnered sex is the mutual stimulation of erogenous zones and reproductive organs. It gains additional meaning only when intended. Our lives put a great emphasis on this intention. But for some, that doesn’t describe their experiences.

A woman describes herself as straight, and proudly has sex with exclusively other women. Cue loud and invasive claims about how she’s ‘actually a lesbian’, from gay and straight people alike. Which may be true. But also likely; she views sex the same way I do. AKA, she’s having sex with people she’s not actually attracted to, but it’s her way of exercising her libido in a way that makes her feel more comfortable. Not all marginalized people define themselves based off of what their oppressors expect of them. 

So we don’t experience an emotional connection with our sex paraphernalia, and we also pursue the concept of platonic explicitry. Our want for sex is not a want towards another individual the same way allos describe it. 

So in quick conversation, we define sexual attraction as ‘a desire to have sex with someone’. And thanks to that, I wasted years of my life breaching my body autonomy and health. 

I know it’s hard to define it differently. But we deserve better. And as a good first step, we can start by not disregarding the concept of platonic affection shifting into the ‘sexual’ realm as skin-to-skin contact involves more and more skin.


Shout out to Polyamorous aces

Y’all are valid as fuck and I hope y’all know that

Asexualidad: Estos encantadores jóvenes y BoJack Horseman aclaran tus dudas:



Ayer salió este reportaje por Luc Gajardo en Posta acerca de la asexualidad!!

El texto sigue la historia de Todd Chavez, un personaje de la serie de Netflix “BoJack Horseman” que se reconoció como asexual en la 4ta temporada, para luego adentrarse en la comunidad asexual a través de entrevistas a personas de Asexuales Chile.

¡Vayan a leerla!

Recuerden que también pueden seguirnos en Facebook y Twitter.

También pueden leer la reseña que publiqué sobre el reportaje en mi blog 🙂


I see a bunch of posts saying if your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by trauma or mental illness or neurodiversity or something, it’s still valid.

I see a lot of posts saying asexuality isn’t something that needs to be cured, that a-spec people aren’t broken and don’t need to be fixed. That people are naturally born this way.

I also see a ton of posts telling everyone it’s ok if their labels change, that sexuality is fluid and identifying as something different before or after or now doesn’t invalidate the person’s orientation at any point. That if it’s useful for the person now, they can use it.

But I don’t see a lot of posts, actually basically none, that actually address the point where those things intersect.

If your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by something, your orientation is valid, and it doesn’t mean you couldn’t have been a-spec without it. Maybe you were born this way, maybe you were made this way, but no matter how you got here, you are still a wonderful valid person.

You are not broken if you do not feel you are.

It is also completely OK for you to feel like you are.

If you feel your orientation is something that is only temporary, because of mental illness or trauma, and you had labels you identified as before and want to identify as them again, you are so valid.

It is ok for you to think something broke and for you to want to repair or mend it. If you have a bowl because the top part of a clay vase broke, it’s ok to want a vase again. Kintsukuroi creates beautiful art out of broken pottery people mended.

It is also so ok for you to feel like some part of you is broken, and to want to let it remain that way. You don’t have to fix it. People make mosaics out of broken glass, and they are far more beautiful than the beer bottles they came from.

It’s also ok to not know how you feel about it. To feel like some days there is nothing wrong with you and other days to feel that part of you is just shattered shards of something else.

No matter what, you are valid and your experiences and feelings about your orientation are valid.


Do you have anything to recommend to other aces who are also exploring their sexuality?

You can recommend techniques, informational resources, toys or tools, negotiation tactics, activities, porn or smut, websites, snappy comebacks, general life lessons…  Whatever you think another ace in the same place might benefit from.

Ask box is open.



Asexual Activities needs you!  Your quick tips, your handy-dandy how-tos, your sex toy reviews, your nsfw questions, your personal experiences, your conversation starters.  We need your asks or submissions to drive this site.

Masturbation.  Sex.  Kink.  Non-sexual intimacies.  Arousal and anatomy.  Fantasies.  Anything in the neighborhood of exploring sexuality as an asexual.

Here’s what this site is about.

Here’s what this site has talked about.

Ask box and submissions are open, and anonymous is allowed!


Yes, I’m asexual, but I can still tell if someone is hot or not.

For example: I am hot and the rest of you are not.

End of the discussion.